


Unmoored

by IceCycle



Category: Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Burnout - Freeform, Gen, Healing-Adepts, Magic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCycle/pseuds/IceCycle
Summary: Moondance k'Treva was invited to a distant vale to help a friend, also a Healing-Adept, with tasks that require two of them.  When he got there, he found that she was in greater need than some of the people for whom she had summoned him.





	Unmoored

Moondance’s eyes flew open and darted over to her sharply, startled out of the healing trance he had just dropped into with Fernlight.He looked at her with open astonishment. 

Fernlight’s eyes opened, too, confused as she felt Moondance pull out suddenly.His hands were still covering hers, which were resting on the woman lying before them.

Moondance shook his head to clear it, turning his attention back to the woman.“A moment,” he said to her.He spared a deliberate glance at Fernlight by way of minimal explanation, then moved his hands to rest directly on the woman before dropping back into trance.He extended his magic through her blood and into her organs, verifying that there was nothing that would worsen if this work were delayed by a day or so.She still would need both Moondance’s skills and Fernlight’s to eliminate the growth that had made her sick, but it had been growing for months.Fernlight had placed what would best be described as a magical shroud around the growth, entangled though it was with her vessels, to keep it from getting worse until a second Healing-Adept were available to assist with its removal.Her shroud seemed to be holding.There were two hot seeds of new growth nearby that would also require their intervention, but, again, nothing that was likely to change quickly.Moondance opened his eyes to address the woman.“I’m afraid we won’t be able to do this today.Not because of anything unexpected about your illness, but I find that I am more fatigued than I thought today after my travels.”A partial fabrication on Moondance’s part, though it may well become true once he attended to the issue that had derailed him.“Perhaps this will go better tomorrow if I instead spend more time in meditation today.”

The woman nodded her understanding.

Once he had helped the woman to the door, Moondance rounded on Fernlight.“Just _what_ has been going on this past year since I saw you last?”

Fernlight looked a little surprised.“Why, lots of things.What do you mean?”

Moondance was somewhere among shock, anger, fear, and concern from their brief contact in trance.He pulled himself together enough that his own Empathy for her and for the situation brought him back to himself as he sat back down across from her.He sighed and held his hands out in front of him.“Why don’t I show you what I saw?”

“What, you’re going to show me my own shield like a trainee?I have seen it before,” she said carelessly and with disdain.She was starting to get an idea of where he was leading, and she did not want to go there.

Moondance shrugged fluidly.“Often we do not see ourselves as clearly as another sees us.Much is lost in the subjectivity.”

Fernlight’s expression blanked out altogether as she shrugged back.Nevertheless, after a few more moments of hesitation, she held her hands out for Moondance, made the eye contact required for what he was proposing, and slipped back into healing trance.

Moondance took her hands in his, dropped into trance for a third time that morning, and then pulled at her eyes with his awareness until she was seeing what he was seeing.He offered a close look at her shields, completely opaque and lackluster, and spilling a coldness that drained heat from things that were close.

_:Fernlight, k’chara, let’s have a real discussion.You have lost the vitality I am accustomed to seeing in you.I am worried for you.I want to know why, and how much.:_ He had known Fernlight for a long time.She had undertaken some of her training alongside Moondance in k’Treva, and they had grown close.Fernlight had come back to her home of k’Vala a few years back, before moving onto the more distant vale of k’Mora, which did not have a Healing-Adept.The two of them had written letters often while she was in k’Vala, but had fallen out of contact with this last move.Moondance had visited k’Vala not long before she left it a year ago.He thus responded eagerly when she requested his assistance when it came to a few things that could not be handled by one Healing-Adept.When he arrived last night, Moondance had noticed that Fernlight seemed a little distant, but he had been so exhausted from traveling, and she had begged fatigue, herself, that they had exchanged few words, and Moondance had been too tired for anything except to accept her explanation at face value.

Fernlight took her hands away and spoke out loud, rejecting the intimacy of mindspeech.“I have no more of my friends here, and I find my work lacking in meaning.”She was gazing at a spot through Moondance’s neck.

Moondance grimaced.He was one of the friends she no longer saw, and though it was true that contact across vales this distant was difficult, he felt a little guilty that he had not put in the effort to overcome this distance more often.He set that feeling aside for now.“I am sorry for the circumstances that have befallen you.May I help?”

Fernlight shrugged and looked away, face completely devoid of expression.“I don’t think that you can.”

She sounded so distant, so toneless, that Moondance narrowed his eyes, studying her.Could she …?Could she have gone that far?Suddenly, he reached forward to snatch both of her hands into his again, and took full advantage of the brief eye contact in her look of surprise to bypass her shields and press into her mind.This was not by any means his preferred approach to the situation, but he had to know, and he had cause.Her aloofness now was in such contrast to the intimacy they once shared, that his sense for _wrongness_ in her rose in urgency.And he did not get the sense that she would just tell him.

Her feelings of regret, sadness, and emptiness washed over him as he reached her mind.There were a few transient eddies of emotion representing her reactions of the moment, of surprise, fear, horror, betrayal, and …relief?But the main currents of mood — her regret, sadness, and emptiness — were what she had been living, likely for months.Yes, he certainly had cause.This was not good.This emotional landscape meant trouble.It had also had the opportunity to fester unchecked for too long, with consequences as yet unknown to Moondance.

_:Fernlight—:_ he started to say.His own mindvoice was touched with a little guilt for his own role, much sorrow for his friend’s pain, and fear of what this could mean.

_:I said I didn’t need your help.:_ Her voice was filled with hurt, though not necessarily at him.They also both knew that that wasn’t exactly what she had said, and that her saying that was more an expression of despondency.She made a half-effort to pull away, but Moondance would not have it.Not under these circumstances.He gripped her hands tighter, and started looking more systematically.Fernlight had a well-organized mind, and would be able to hide things from him if she chose.

But before he had looked far, a trail of thought passed across the front of her mind that was so cold and twisted that Moondance knew he had found what he feared.He reached for it and began to unfold it against her resistance.Fernlight tried again to pull away, but Moondance held on.

_:Fernlight, k’chara.You might as well let me see what this is about.I am already worried for you, and its substance cannot be worse than what I could imagine.:_ Moondance did not at all begrudge her lack of acquiescence, and in fact found it somewhat reassuring that she still had the spirit to fight.

She stilled for a moment, and Moondance took the opportunity to open that packet of thought.He was not surprised by now to find that it contained a litany of suicidal thoughts stemming from a sense of meaninglessness and of loneliness.It went further to include some ideas for how to leave life, into which she had apparently been putting a fair amount of energy, though had not yet decided on a single course of action.Moondance began to wonder whether there was something more sinister to the timing of her summons to assist with the two-adept healing cases, whether she was completing what she saw as her duties so that she would be free to exit.No, she would never willingly have told him this, not when she was considering _when_ and _how_ rather than just _whether_.She would not want to be stopped.

Caught, Fernlight slumped back, tears in her eyes.Moondance let her go this time.Tears of the pain that had gotten her to this point, tears of shame that it had happened, tears of frustration that he probably would not let her enact any of her plans, and tears for the unexpected succor of a friend, who once was a familiar presence in her mind.

Moondance felt his own tears in his eyes, reflecting the pain of hers that he had felt, the grief that he could lose her, and the memory of his own times when he had wanted death, himself. _Star-Eyed._ This was going to take a lot to sort out.

Moondance slid forward and placed his hand on her arm, then shifted his focus to spread out along her body, examining her with his gift the way he would for someone who was brought to him injured or ill.There were a couple of scrapes just below her hip, that weren’t bleeding but did have a splash of magic that was keeping them from healing, possibly self-punishment for a particular mistake or possibly a more general attempt to counter emptiness.There were traces of a common mood-altering tincture, likely an underpowered attempt at self-treatment.There were a few subtle signs of self-neglect, like somewhat underused muscles and uncut toenails, but overall, physically, she was all right.Her magical reserves were a little lower than ideal, but far from dangerous.Fortunately, she was not so desperate as to have recruited her magic to accelerate the process of involution.Though a powerful Healing-Adept himself, Moondance was not sure he had the ability to halt and reverse such a process once set in motion, and he hoped he never would be called to treat a fellow mage who had lost all will to live.

As it was, Fernlight, aware of what Moondance was doing, turned away and dissolved into tears entirely.

“Oh, Fernlight, I’m so sorry,” Moondance said softly.“You have been dealing with this by yourself for a long time.Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable.There will be time later to talk.”Moondance hoped that would be the last time he would have to intrude, now that he had the information he needed to act.He did not know the _why_ , but he knew the _what,_ which was enough for right now.He would be taking her back to k’Treva with him as soon as things here in k’Mora were in a state that could be left without a Healing-Adept.In k’Treva, she could rest, enjoy familiar company, work with a mindhealer, and sort out what had gone wrong so that this wouldn’t happen again, whether that meant returning to k’Mora or not.Taking her to K’Vala was another option, but he was more familiar with what was available in k’Treva, and would rather be able to keep an eye on the situation, too.He would discuss this all with her later today, to work out a plan.

But for now, she needed him as her old friend.He stood, helped her up, and led her to a sleeping mat, where he settled in to hold her as she cried.

It would be a long time.

It would also be a long time before he would feel comfortable leaving her to her own devices.


End file.
